So now I'm getting down into the thick of really planning this thing, and I'm starting to ask myself some hard questions. Questions like:
Why the heck am I doing this?
It's not really all that funny how many people look at you like you belong in a mental ward when you tell them you're going to walk a vertical cross section of the country. Their bug-eyed, gnarly-browed grimaces are unpleasant to look at, not to mention disheartening, but you can't really blame them. Five to six months of walking...upwards of 2,600 miles...living out of a backpack...sleeping on the ground...going weeks between towns...going days without seeing another person...none of these things are really within the imaginable realm. The hardest part is admitting to yourself that you can't even really imagine it, even though you desperately want it, for some sick reason.
Why the HECK am I doing this?
The answer isn't simple, but I usually sum it up with a simple: "I have no idea."
The long version consists of lots of little reasons:
- I just graduated college and "careers" scare me.
- I feel limited as a woman in society and want to stick it to these misogynistic fools.
- I want to challenge myself and test the limits of my own strength.
- I want to learn something.
- I want to shed my cushy, monotonous life for a while.
- I want a change of scenery.
- I want to take advantage of the freedom my early twenties has allotted me.
- I want to "find myself".
- I'm bored.
- I'm restless.
- I like to hike.
- I've got nothing better to do.
- I'm insane.
What it really comes down to is some sort of primal instinct that I can't quite define. It seems to encompass all of the above and then some. It's a calling.
I'm a 22 year old woman, college graduate, with new-found freedom, high ideals, and a lack of purpose, and I'm going to go do something crazy. I'm going to let the Trail help me figure out exactly what it is that I want out of this life.
"Nowhere to go but everywhere"
No comments:
Post a Comment